Keepers of The Home
Posted: September 17, 2022
Author: Danielle Murphy
2 Timothy 3:16-17, King James Version
“All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness. That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works."
We serve a God who not only teaches us righteousness, but also leads us gently on how to get there as well. I wish I could say that I was perfect, that I never struggle or doubt or question the God I follow. That from some high and lofty place I would be able to lead you, my readers, into a more perfect walk with our savior. But today I come broken and restored, humbled and loved by the One who first chose me. To encourage you that as you also have been called by a loving heavenly Father who pursues you in all of your weaknesses. Surely He will continue to perfect you as well, bringing forth the person you desire to be inwardly, outwardly, to be displayed for all to see. Keeping you humble through your short comings, so that you can avoid being so high minded that you judge others, making the love of God seem unobtainable to them.
Imagine my surprise when even after God had dealt with me pretty extensively in regards to relationship with my husband, I discovered that there continue to be triggers of hurt I am still dealing with towards him. I have such a deep desire to be loved intricately by my groom. I starve for his affirmation in my life calling as a mother, but rarely get it. The crumbs of encouragement he does give deplete quickly, and when they do I find myself wounded again by someone so dear to me. Someone who I expect to know me better. I give my all to this man, every ounce of energy and thought goes into serving and loving him. How is it then that I seem to be the very last thing on his mind?
The answers to these questions came from the Lord Himself, and it shocked me that God would love me so deeply that He would lead me out of such a heart of rebellion towards Him and my husband. You see, I tend to get angry with God when I am upset with my husband. In times past, I have noticed how God always seems to correct only me when we are fighting. I argue that even God Himself is a man, so how can I go to Him expecting any empathy? He’s just going to tell me truths I don’t want to hear and to suck it up. After all, it’s not my husband coming to me sharing scriptures that the Lord reminds him of when we fight, though God does certainly correct and rebuke him when he is wrong. How does it always seem that it’s me so often that needs to repent and restore my heart again?
My husband is a wonderful provider and protector. He cares deeply for his family and pushes back the work he has to do regularly in order to make time for us. He is not a harsh or overbearing man and that’s what makes him so easy to serve and want to try and please.
Years ago after I pulled myself away from regular fellowship with women due to my need to be at home more often so that I could focus, I suddenly found myself needing more affirmation from my husband. In case you haven’t noticed yet, men make really lousy girlfriends. My husband is a great listener, but giving encouraging feedback is not his strong point. So I began to view his lack of feedback as a lack of sharing the same goals. I began asking myself, does he really care about raising the kids as much as I do? Doesn’t he see how much I pour out myself for him and the children, doing all that I can to help them out and build them up?
My pastor used to always say that hurting people hurt people, well this proved true in my situation. Seeing my husband’s lack of consideration for me would build up so much, until finally I would explode. Why can’t he think of anybody other than himself I would ask. Can’t he see how much I am struggling? Nurturing his needs seems to come so naturally to me. I notice when he is beginning to feel burned out and that’s when I would lovingly pick up the slack, making a way for him to sleep in or get extra rest. But it seemed as though I would have to literally spell it out if I wanted any kind of that same consideration done towards me.
Join us next week in “Keepers of The Home” as we finish this story…