Keepers of The Home
For the past few weeks I had been unable to shake it no matter how much I tried. My bitterness was showing its ugly head through hurtful remarks and impatience towards my husband and children. The bitterness I felt towards them in the past was back with a vengeance.
To be perfectly honest, I had also been struggling for quite some time with my relationship with the Lord. Not pausing regularly to get filled up through worship and prayer and meditation on His word, I had long since stopped sharing the gospel zealously with others. Our walk with God is like any other relationship and takes much deliberation and work on our part in order to keep it healthy and alive. God hadn’t stopped pursuing me, but I had stopped pursuing Him, and it was yet another reason for my vulnerability to becoming bitter.
The Bible teaches us that out of the abundance of our heart our mouth speaks. (Matthew 15:18) I was allowing my heart to be full of the lie that I was not appreciated for all that I was contributing to our family, and that lie had no other place to go then out of my mouth. It made for some very miserable, long days. All of this had taken me far too long to realize.
In my desperation, I began to soak in the Holy Spirit and seek God’s wisdom and counsel. I prayed and cried and worshiped and finally asked for help and began surrendering. He is faithful to send help every single time I humble myself and ask. He showed up big this last Sunday at church where I was reminded of our need to regularly engage in spiritual warfare. How could I have lost sight of the fact that this was a spiritual war going on inside my soul? How had I ever let my guard down to become so vulnerable?
“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour...” (1 Peter 5:8, KJV)
Contrary to the teaching of James 4:7, I had not been submitting to God and resisting the devil so that he would be forced to flee from me. Instead, I had invited the devil to take a seat in my heart and fill it with all kinds of vile, wicked thoughts. To be honest, at times I get weary of doing good. Surprise, surprise- there’s a verse in Galatians 6:9 about that one too, reminding us that in due time we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up. That harvest will be a happy, healthy family full of grace and forgiveness and a marriage kept alive by love in action instead of one based on deceitful feelings.
There are many antidotes to the bitterness that can so easily beset us. We must simply remember James 1:22 (NKJ): “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” I am up for the challenge. Are you?