Keepers of The Home
My mom worked hard to keep herself attractive. She kept a nice home and always had meals on the table, so why did she get treated like this not once, but twice? These stories from my past, coupled with many other personal stories we know of, had me living in complete and utter fear. My husband and I would be doing fine and then panic and fear would overtake me after hearing of yet another family that fell apart due to adultery. I would act very cold and removed towards him for days. The suspense was killing me, when was it our turn to suffer these same tragedies?
I can’t really tell you the exact moment it finally broke for me, as it’s been in parts that I have replaced my fears with love. One way freedom and victory came to me was in realizing what a lousy wife I had become. While living in fear, I had withheld the very best parts of myself, too afraid to be betrayed in the end after all of my faithfulness. I set my face to begin to honor my husband more, especially in the ways he had pointed out to me in the past where I failed to do so. One terrible habit I had formed was never turning around to embrace him when he would come up behind me and give me a hug to reconcile. I would just keep on working and ignore him, how hurtful! I also decided it was time to obey his leadership over our relationship and finally go up for that prayer he had been wanting us to do. As I confessed with my mouth that I needed prayer for the lies I had been believing in our marriage doors were being shut where the enemy had been allowed to come and go freely.
A week later we were at Bible Study and the pastor was teaching us about the ways that the enemy works in our lives. At the very end he closed with the spirit of fear, he said that anytime we experience that emotion we know that it is not coming from God. Many of us are familiar with the verse in 2 Timothy 1:7:
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
It clicked right then and there that because I was in constant fear of my marriage being defiled, it was impossible for me to really love my husband completely. Isn’t it so interesting that the very first antidote to fear is love? And that fear I was steeped in wasn’t coming from the Lord either! It was a strong delusion from the enemy in his attempt to rob and steal from our union. Now until my husband proves himself guilty, I have recommitted my heart to him as being all in. Love is vulnerable and downright scary to me, but I am trusting in the One who fights for me to keep us until the end so that His glory might be shown on this earth!