Freedom from Fear Part One
Anxiety, worry, stress, and panic are all things I have experienced over the course of my life. The source of all of these emotional states can be summed up in one word– fear. The first time I felt gripping fear was when I was six years old. I was in my bedroom and overheard my mom and soon-to-be stepdad talking right outside my door. I figured out from their conversation that he had been drinking, had a gun, and was threatening to kill her if she didn’t marry him. My heart was beating out of my chest, and I stood there frozen on the other side of the door in panic and fear, not knowing what to do. I don’t remember how much time went by, but it felt like an eternity until my mom was able to diffuse the situation and convince him to put the gun down.
Four years ago, I was overcome by intense fear again. A change in my birth control pills resulted in an allergic reaction which caused my mind to race, and this led to a traumatic medical situation. My brain couldn’t shut down at night, and so I went for several days with very little sleep. This lack of sleep led to an atypical manic episode and to me spending four days in recovery at a mental health facility. I had never experienced mental health problems in my life before this, so my world was completely turned upside down. It felt like my mental wall of protection had come down, and I heard the voice of the enemy telling me to kill myself. It was completely unnatural for me to ever think such a thing, but, not being in a clear mental state, I actually tried to think how I could do it.
Soon after the enemy had tried to convince me to kill myself, God showed up in major ways to bring clarity and to walk me through the high waters of this medical storm. While I was in the mental health facility, I experienced communication with God in ways I never had before. One of these ways was that He spoke to me in a mentally loud, almost audible voice. The first word I heard Him say was “trust.” The following day, when my mind was rested and more clear, He gave me a vision for the first time in my life… I saw what looked like fast-moving slides of scenes and people from the Bible. I heard Him say, “The Bible is 100% true…God is good all the time…the problems have come from misinterpretations…we have to get back to the source.” He then brought to my memory a verse that He had hidden in my heart…
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (NKJV)
When I came home after being released from the mental health facility, it took me weeks to process everything that had happened. It felt like a faith paradigm shift was starting to take place in my heart and mind. The things God had told me and the fact that He spoke to me in such a mentally loud and clear way began to completely change my perspective about my spiritual life and how much God loves not just me, but all of us. I began to understand how much God so desires direct communication with all of His children.
Please come back next week to read part two of my testimony.
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