A Voice Speaking to Me While Dreaming – Part 4
Eventually, God began to work on my weight. He showed me that I had been loving myself with food rather than turning to Him or my husband or anyone else for comfort since the death of our twins five years ago. Food had become my god, and I was lavishing all of my love on it and taking all I could get in return through the instant gratification it gave me. I had no self-control when it came to food. This grieved me, for I understood self-control is a fruit of His Spirit living within me. Gluttony and obsession needed to die for His Spirit to come forth in this area. I became aware that I thought about food all of the time. While I was eating one meal, I was thinking about the next. At twenty-nine years old, I was 5'3" and weighed two hundred thirty pounds. Believing the life blood of His Spirit was flowing in me now, I asked God to take control of my life patterns, including my appetite, as well as my taste buds and genes. He caused me to understand that, since my teens, I had developed the habit of drinking coffee which made my stomach nervous so I would then eat to get rid of the nervous energy. This is when He told me to take caffeine out of my diet. He revealed to me my other eating habits and how they had been formed, teaching me about nutrition that I might apply a new way of being.
He put me on two twenty-one day fasts which were just a week apart. He told me that, through these, He would clean my system of toxic waste and negative energy. I discovered this would help to change my cravings. He told me that, if I gave Him the cravings when they came, after a few days I would no longer be hungry, and I would feel euphoric. He told me their root cause as He set me free, and I marveled at what I learned: I would want to eat because I was angry or because my feelings were hurt, because I was frustrated or felt rejected or anxious or depressed. I would want to eat because a commercial on TV would stir my appetite, or the sight of a fast food restaurant would call me when I was on the road, or others in the house were eating, or I couldn’t think of anything else to do to bring me pleasure, or I was bored, or I had been taught not to waste my food. Hungry or not, I always ate three full meals a day as well as two snacks. I ate too much because I was not sure when such a great meal might come again, or because I wanted my lion's share as a result of being raised in a family of eight, or simply because I had paid for it and I could eat all I wanted to eat. I would want to eat for so many reasons through so many patterns which had formed over the years. All of them had been weighing me down. I can smile about it now, but the time had come at last where I was shedding these patterns as quickly as I was shedding the pounds.
I will never forget the day I was almost finished with my second fast. Although I was not hungry and felt great, I wanted to eat so badly. I was not resisting the desire or giving it to God; instead, I worked myself into a frenzy. I was making everyone's favorite sandwiches, and I was preparing a fresh turkey club sandwich on a Kaiser roll for my husband. Suddenly, I wanted one so badly, I could no longer stand it. When my husband begged me to not break my fast because I was doing so well, I took a jar of jelly and threw it on the floor breaking it into a million pieces screaming, “I want to eat!” This shocked everyone, especially me. I remember thinking, "Whoa... where did that come from?" I heard God's voice say, "That is your stronghold. You desire to eat for the pure pleasure and the social experience, and if you don't release that to Me, you will gain every pound back and never overcome this problem."
Although I still did not look how I desired to look, once I had lost sixty pounds God refused to deal with me further with regard to my weight. He told me this was because I would want to be loved for who I was and not for my body. I needed to learn to love myself and others as they were, while I learned to discipline my appetite. His Spirit taught me to appreciate food as a gift which sustains life and provides energy. I became mindful of what I ate in positive ways and He has enabled me to help others with what He has taught me. He reassured me that He would keep me healthy and my current body style was acceptable for the time being. He revealed to me that I had made an idol of food and wanting to be thin, and He did not want me to serve it any longer. I was to rule over my food, not the other way around. He made me aware that society has imposed on us its views and concepts about life, especially about the body, and asked me to give those views to Him in exchange for His views.
I discovered that releasing a concept, perspective, expectation, etc. to God when He asks is one thing. Actually letting go entirely and being transformed by the events which follow is another. Please believe me when I say this spiritual journey of faith is well worth taking and, although it might not seem like it's going to work out for the good in the end, I am here to tell you it does, and in some cases, far better than you would have ever imagined!
(Testimony from www.EnterIntoGodRest.com)
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