For any mamas or parents out there, I just thought I had to share my heart.
I want to note that this is something that God is still majorly working on in my heart. I just love to share how God is speaking to and teaching my heart!
Parenting is the hardest and most beautiful thing. It reveals so much of the heart. Through parenting, God has brought to life a lot of sin and brokenness I was harboring in my heart.
With every struggle that came my way with parenting, I wanted to say a prayer and have a quick fix and no longer struggle. I would even settle for the occasional struggle- because I am human after all.
There was a point where my husband would come home from work and I would spend that time (almost daily) talking about how hard my day was with the kids, full of complaints and a negative mindset. I was majorly lacking joy. And not only did I feel drained, but I was also draining Isaac after a long day of work.
We had (still have) constant conversations about this. My heart was feeling very convicted. I have probably mentioned it before, but one of my favorite parts of scripture is 1 Thessalonians 5:15-16 (NIV), “Be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances. For this is the Lord’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I did not feel like I was living in the Lord’s will. I did not feel joyful. I was not feeling thankful. And, I was not praying as often as I should’ve been. Again, I just wanted that quick fix, and I thought that the solution was for God to make it feel easy. I assumed if it wasn’t easy, then I was doing something wrong.
But God was/is teaching me what it looked like to depend on him every hour of every day. No matter how strong I feel in a moment, without total dependence on God, my flesh will fail me.
When I was seeking him, relying on him in all moments and seasons, he was bringing joy and thankfulness to my heart. I realized I was seeking happiness more than joy and how inconsistent happiness is. He is, and was, teaching me that joy is not dependent on any of my circumstances, but on the Lord’s goodness. I was only experiencing “happiness” when my kids and I were having a good day. I’m sure you can imagine the inconsistency here.
I’m so thankful that God allowed me to be a parent for so many reasons. But the thing I am most thankful for is how God is constantly working on my heart, refining who I am, and allowing me to grow in ways I never would have before. I am able to grow closer to Christ, lean on His understanding, and learn to become more like Him because of the beautiful, but difficult journey of parenting.
There is no quick fix. My kids did not change. We still deal with disobedience, defiance and plain sinfulness daily.
But the beauty is that my heart is beginning to change. God is molding me in this season. He is teaching me about selfless and sacrificial love, something that does not come naturally to me. All I hope is that as God molds and shapes my life, my kids will see Jesus in me and see His goodness daily. I hope they can understand His grace through the way I teach and parent them. And ultimately I hope and pray they will also seek Him and understand their need for a savior. There is nothing I want more for them.
If you have a story about what God has done in your life and would like to share it please email us at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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